


Bloom

by kya0810



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Depression, Domestic, Fluff, Healing, M/M, downtime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-02-23 06:13:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23773717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kya0810/pseuds/kya0810
Summary: Yuto's drowning himself and Ryosuke saves him, everytime.
Relationships: Nakajima Yuto/Yamada Ryosuke
Comments: 9
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

Yuto hates winter. Snow mixed with rain drops and sometimes even ice, falling mercilessly onto blindingly sparkling Tokyo, find their way to freeze the motivation to continue to live deep inside his heart. February is the worst. It's torturing him inside out. He can feel the cold breeze sucking his breath out of his lungs, drowning him in his own thoughts, setting all emotional stages down to zero, and that's it.

Downtime.

Youth is leaving him behind. No matter how hard he keeps himself on the run, his own feet would tell him that there is no reason to try anymore. He touches his drumsticks and then his hands tell him they only want to make noises, not sensible beat. He seeks for something to read, and even his own brain now whisper straight into itself, what's the point of nurturing a dead soul. Yuto doesn't bother to stand up. A few moments ago, his legs stopped functioning and decided to let him slide by the walls, sitting silently with his arms over his knees, staring into nothing. The world to him is a gray landscape with dim lights, allowing him to see how obnoxious and disgusting human beings can be, how they act recklessly to each other, and their words are like knives, aiming to peel him off layers by layers, until he reveals his darkest side. Yuto repels this reality, so much that he wants to disappear in every universe that may or may not have his version, to erase the name Nakajima Yuto in every document ever recorded. What keeps him alive until now?

_A smile._

A smile from an innocent kid he met when he was eleven which he had engraved onto his scattered memory, the smile that pumps the blood through his veins, and ignites the living spark inside his chest. This world is hideous, yes. Those hypocrites have been mumbling around for too long. Everyone he met scratched him a wound he never knows how to heal. Is dying an option? He wishes it ever was, if he had enough courage, he would-

_Ding._

Something breaks the frozen time in this house. A sound. There's someone on the other side of the door, ringing his bell, carrying something that smells inexplicably beautiful.

"Yutti, are you home?" The door isn't locked. The small figure comes in at ease.

"Yutti, it's so dangerous not to lock the doors!", the guy takes off his shoes, carefully puts the food on the kitchen table, and looks around.

"You're home right? Yutti, come out, I got food!" The man turns at the corner, only to find Yuto sitting there lifelessly. Yuto lifts his watering eyes like he is looking at a miracle, he slowly sketches out a smile,

"Ryosuke."

Ryosuke rushes towards Yuto and sits down to wrap the taller into his embrace. He leans his body between Yuto's legs, falls his whole onto Yuto, with one hand caresses his face and one hand pats on the head.

"It's okay Yutti, I got you. There, there. I got you."

"I'm tired, Ryosuke.", Yuto sobs as he closes his eyes, arms tighten Ryosuke's waist like he never wants to break their connection, his head buries deep into the older's chest.

And Ryosuke pulls him out of his own black hole, slow but firm, leads him the way through it, loves him the way no one can ever do.


	2. Ignition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryosuke takes a step closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another perspective of the first chapter :> Enjoy!

Ryosuke just can't take it anymore.

He's spent days figuring out what he had done that might push Yuto away from him like this, and just a matter of fact, this never occurs again ever since they got nineteen, _that freaking nineteen_ when Yuto spoke it all out on his face that he had been hating him for too long he'd already been so fed up with it. Then now what? Is he going through puberty again, is that even a thing? For God's sake they're gonna be 27 this year and it's...it's getting longer to heal.

Frustration drowns Ryosuke deep down this own bed, he feels like he's sinking into his own thoughts without even trying to float up to reality. Yuto has always been the one who fastens things up, upgrades them onto new levels. He's always been the one to make the first move, to get close, to hold tight, to consume Ryosuke all. Yuto used to grip his hand so firmly that he thought if one was going to hell, the other would follow.

And now, Yuto is a stranger. So distanced, so much a far-away lullaby. Yuto dissociated himself not only from Ryosuke, and that's the point. Ryosuke feels like for Yuto, he's just everyone, anyone, that can easily be tossed out of Yuto's life when he wants to, that nothing can catch up with Yuto's emotional swift and not worthy to keep an eye on. Ryosuke is not the type to say it out loud. It takes him years to whisper _"I need you",_ but his face tells him off right away. Ryosuke doesn't intend to hide. He just hopes someone will come and care and understand and _stay_ , needless for him to beg, just stay. And Yuto's been doing those so well, but for this time.

_Is he tired of me?_

No, he can't think like that to both Yuto and himself.

Yuto is dedicated, caring, passionate. He's Ryosuke's comfort zone, whenever he's in Yuto's arms he feels safe and sound, that fuzzy feeling in his stomach which mends his soul and builds his courage, erases all of his insecurities one after another. Yuto never rushed, he gave time for Ryosuke to realize his own feelings and fall into him all over again. That Yuto who looks at him so gently, and looking back at him is like going on a one-way train to neverland. Thinking of him puts a smile on Ryosuke's face. He sits up, his face relaxing like he's daydreaming. How can he not love Yuto?

_Oh,_

_That's it, isn't it?_

He loves Yuto. Of course he does.

Ryosuke's mind is now filled with Yuto and Yuto only. Maybe Yuto is just having some time for himself. Maybe it's the "downtime" that everyone's talking about. Maybe Yuto's in pain, and may his heart get all tangled up because something is too harsh for him to bear. No matter what it is, Ryosuke will not stand here doing nothing. He is not that kid that waits anymore.

And then he runs, faster than he can imagine, with food he made on his hands, straight to Yuto with an open heart. He knocks the door, no answer. The door isn't locked.

"Yutti, are you home?"

He slightly pushes and it opens. He wonders why Yuto can be this careless. He hesitates at first but still walks in, gently takes his shoes off and gets in, tries to normalize himself.

"Yutti, it's dangerous not to lock the doors."

He looks around as he says that, searching for a life signal.

"You're home right? Yutti, come out, I got food!"

He senses something not right. Ryosuke puts the bento box on the kitchen table, turns his head carefully at the corner of the wall, and he found him. Yuto is sitting there motionlessly with ocean eyes, squeezing tears out of that beautiful face. And he whispers,

_"Ryosuke."_

Ryosuke dashes into the taller's body and holds him tight. He pats on the head of the one he loves, who is now stuck at his rock bottom, devastated and fragile, like a broken ancient antique. Ryosuke puts a small kiss onto Yuto's forehead, lovingly dropping healing words to his loved one,

"It's okay Yutti, I got you."

He rubs his cheek on the younger's hair, to make sure Yuto can feel his existence for him, here and now,

"There, there. I got you."

Yuto is tired after all. He's been brave enough. It's Ryosuke's turn to be brave. Yes, Yuto is broken into pieces, but through the cracks that the light finds its way in. Yuto still shines Ryosuke's life like no else can do from the beginning of the universe.

_All Ryosuke needs to do is to take a step closer._

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on AO3, please feel free to give me some feedbacks! Thank you!


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